There's a great deal to support it, from what I can see! And it makes sense that social animals would be biologically wired (or genetically "encouraged") to look after each other, thereby improving the survivability of the species...
Thank you, Katherine. :) I really think so? - and there's such a human need on both sides that just isn't being met. And yet also a recognition that both sides are a part of the whole in a way that matters at least as much as the division between them? There's an artificiality in these kinds of "them or us" discussions that is causing such havoc - I guess, look at how all this "humans vs nature" stuff has worked out? So much of the modern world's ability to feel an integral part of something greater seems to have been surrendered in so many ways...
I've always been a fan of sci-fi, but since the 90s when I first was introduced to Octavia Butler I've mostly stuck with sci-fi by Black women because it asks the questions about society that I'm interested in, and often central to those questions is how people maintain kindness, connection, and a sense of their own humanity in the face of horror. I'm really excited that they're finally releasing a tv version of Butler's book, Kindred, soon on Hulu. Here's the trailer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grco3eoAA30
Absolutely! I'm loving the resurgence in appreciation of her work - because when you look at the quality of it, the awards she won - she's the best of the best by any way of measuring it. And her themes. I don't know: certainly a suppression of Black voices in scifi has to have been a part of it, in the same way Ursula Le Guin had to fight to carve out a place for women in late Golden Age scifi. But maybe it's that fierce hopefulness too, against injustice with a belief in the possibility for something better? I think we need that kind of storytelling a hell of a lot more right now that a few decades back - and we'll need more of it in decades to come? So perhaps she's about to become one of those "This Is Her Moment" writers because of where our societies and our world is right now...
(I mean, isn't that just fantastic about good scifi? It can re-emerge at the future time we need it, to teach us what to hope for and work towards.)
Yes! Her Parable of the Sower was so prescient. She could easily have been writing about the underlying themes that challenge is today, and certainly while Trump was president.
Depends if you want hard sci-fi or something more about time travel or world building. If it’s sci-fi, start with her Imago series. For time travel, Kindred is fantastic. For world-building Parable of the Sower and its sequel, Parable of the Talents, show her at truly the top of her game.
Loved reading this! Thank you. Maybe we can persuade some people to be kind by giving them the data and tell them that by being kind they are actually selfish! haha.
During the pandemic, I had the chance (?) to talk with some people that were anti vaxxers, or generally sceptics. I found out that being kind, and listening to them intensely was actually far more productive than just showering them with statistics and scientific facts. These people also want the same things we do, to live healthy and happy lives. But because of one thing or another they ended up mostly being afraid of what they were reading about the vaccines so they didn't trust anything they saw.
Because of my job, they expected me to argue with them. However, I said "Hey, you do you but if you ever have questions about the vaccine reach out to me and I'll look into it with you so that we can understand". Now that didn't work 100% of the times, but maybe 75-80%? They appreciated the effort.
>>"Maybe we can persuade some people to be kind by giving them the data and tell them that by being kind they are actually selfish!"
I mean - that might work! Or at least, really smart people being in charge of things who know how to trick sociopathically selfish rich people into doing good things for the common good. I mean, if conspiracy theories are going to be flying around *anyway*, why not ACTUALLY make a conspiracy that does a lot of good?
I think I'm only half joking about this. Perhaps this is how megalomaniacs get started...
>>"But because of one thing or another they ended up mostly being afraid of what they were reading about the vaccines so they didn't trust anything they saw."
Yeah, that fear is the key. Fear kills curiosity. That's such an important point. When people are too fearful to ask questions... And fear destroys trust.
But you did exactly the right thing in response (of course you did, you're really good at your job!): you listened. That was Guzmán's point - that until we all feel heard, properly heard and understood, we remain rigid (and fearful) in our opinions. So much could be fixed in society with exactly that kind of listening in exactly the right places, instead of the combative, shaming, point-scoring methods of "communication" that currently dominate...
Love this--and so fascinating about the effects of kindness. Also, absolutely LOVE for all mankind--it's riveting, thoughtful, fascinating for all the reasons you so rightly wrote. It's telling that Ron Moore began writing for Star Trek Next Gen--that optimism for the future is a thread that continues in for all mankind. And such great, complex, multiple women in that show--I love how strong, flawed, brilliant, failing, and getting up again they all are--real women! (should not be as refreshing to find in a show but here we are). I think that flip at the end of the first episode with the Russian woman cosmonaut revealed--and the o shit moment that the US needs to get its act together with regard to women in space--is just such a thrilling, if not also maddening, way to think of an alternative history. The title seems like a bit of a wink--for all mankind, sure. ha! love that you highlighted the kindness and cooperation in all of it--so so true.
YES. The women in For All Mankind are so terrific. (And ambitious!) I mean, Ron Moore has a great track record there - Starbuck, President Roslin, Claire Fraser, and further back - Deep Space 9's Kira, for example. He writes women so truthfully. But - I remember him being interviewed and being asked about writing 'strong female characters', and he said something like, "what does that even mean? They're just women" which really should kinda cover it, really? I know that it doesn't, but it'd be great to get to the point where it does.
And For All Mankind has been so, so great with the men too. Ed Baldwin being set up as "the hero archetype", all those macho qualities that we're overfamiliar with - and then the writers dissemble this, and show how maybe having an angry, emotionally repressed man in charge of things is maybe a bad idea? And then they do it again with Gordo, except dissembling the work-hard-play-hard playboy. I mean: Michael Dorman did some terrific work there, including the very real physical changes he put himself through for the second season: https://tvline.com/2021/04/22/michael-dorman-weight-gain-for-all-mankind-gordo-season-2/ And it wasn't in service of showing him "macho up" at the end like a "true hero". It's to allow him to step up to the example that Tracy has set...
In fact, Gordo and Tracy's arc has been one of the biggest highlights. What an incredibly flawed and broken relationship - and yet, what a special and ultimately positive one too.
I completely agree! And yes--Deep Space 9's Kira. Yes to women just being allowed to be women. And I agree too--Ed Baldwin and Gordo are fantastic characters, and the downsides of an angry repressed man-in-charge trope. I loved Gordo and Tracy--as my son said when he texted me after watching the season when they're both on the moon (spoiler alert to those reading): "Damn. Gordo was my favorite." Off to go re-watch now too. ;)
I think you'll find it a blast. :) They even have mini physics-based explainers about particular plot points, presented by the cast, to accompany each season. It's all so nerdy and so fun.
Great post, thanks. Kindness is essential to our evolutionary development. It is wired into our biology, Hard to imagine a newborn baby surviving without kindness. They do sometimes but it is never favorable to their (or our) evolution.
Thank you! Yes, agreed - and since kindness is the cooperation skill, it seems being raised without kindness can do a lot of damage to your ability to work well with others - which is a critical life skill in the modern world...
What a wonderful and wonderfully timed piece this is! I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling grateful because I needed this right now. And you've approached the subject of kindness from a direction I'd never thought of and really given me a solid feeling for how much more necessary it is for all of us than I'd even realized. Thank you for this!
❤️ My pleasure, and I'm delighted if it's helped at all...
I really feel like we need to nerd out sometime, maybe in a crossover newsletter thingy-wotsit-something [details forthcoming], about hopeful or hopepunk-y visions of the future involving cooperation and kindness and mutual respect in all things, including the way we share the land we live on.
Honestly, this would be very timely. In the last two days I have had THREE longform interactions (one in person and two in comment threads online) that made me realize how deeply many if not most people believe that a different way of structuring things isn't possible. It's really interesting as well as frustrating. I think a big part is that most people just aren't seeing what's out there, whether it's hopepunk science fiction like Becky Chambers, or the kinds of localized nitty gritty work that gets talked about on, say, the Frontiers of Communing podcast. Maybe to feel a sense of possibility, more people need to know what's possible.
Thank you for opening this post up, Mike. It was fascinating. The links were eye-opening (one in particular heart-stopping!) and I wouldn't have found them without your help.
I like the concept that kindness and compassion can grow. I perhaps would prefer it to grow naturally rather than being pushed by science to be a 'healthier' option like eating a more Mediterranean diet for example, but that's probably a Pollyanna view.
One day, if you haven't done it already, I'd love to read your views on Tibetan buddhist compassion and loving kindness. Just lately, I've read a few books that link it with quantum science - something that surprises me greatly. Cheers and thank you again.
>>"I perhaps would prefer it to grow naturally rather than being pushed by science to be a 'healthier' option like eating a more Mediterranean diet for example, but that's probably a Pollyanna view."
Absolutely. There's also a tendency with this advice to be turned into a way to "optimize" yourself - and then it becomes about squeezing performance out of yourself and others, instead of appreciating its value in itself, and in ways that can't be measured in the old industrial-model kind of way ("kindness improved our factory output by 17%!". I do see that as a huge problem in communicating the benefits like this...
>>"One day, if you haven't done it already, I'd love to read your views on Tibetan buddhist compassion and loving kindness"
I know exactly nothing about them. So that sounds like a really fun thing to dive into. So I will do that!
In short, looking "myopically" (very short term and selfishly) at these problems the 'correct' and logical behaviour is to take advantage of those that you meet and give nothing back. A higher level understanding shows that everyone wins if we ignore that, and work together. I might mistrust someone saying 'science has shown that x works', but it's much more likely to convince me if I can see, follow and agree that a longer term/ wider view will benefit me (and others). (I like approaches that emphasise the self-interest .. you can always depend on the listener wanting to agree ;)
We talk about how to "think" of the other side a lot. And it's very hard. I just listened to an episode of This American Life that made me want to scream bloody murder at Republicans. Worse, it made me feel like it's hopeless to ever find a way to get along with them.
But as you note, we must. And it feels like there is some good advice here.
And I MUST see For All Mankind, but don't have Apple TV. WHY MUST I SUFFER SO?!?!
Knowing your interests, I reckon you will LOVE "For All Mankind". Also, three words: "Apple TV Trial". (Can you access the trial period from where you are right now?)
And - yeah, having these conversations is the hardest thing in the world. And maybe, after a pandemic and a series of enormously dividing political events, we're all just less inclined to talk to strangers in a subconscious way, however much we think we aren't? (I was thinking the other day, as I stood in line to get my Covid booster & flu shot, how uncomfortable I've got with being in a queue, and how I tend to turn around to see how close the person behind me has got. And surely physical distancing must have an effect on psychological distancing...)
Thanks. I needed exactly this at this moment in time.
You might enjoy Becky Chambers' solar punk (feel-good collaborative sci fi that scrubs your insides) book "The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet" about a crew of space drillers that become family. It's basically Firefly if everyone involved (especially Mal) got therapy.
It's great to get some scientific support for being a kind person. That's a really uplifting message.
There's a great deal to support it, from what I can see! And it makes sense that social animals would be biologically wired (or genetically "encouraged") to look after each other, thereby improving the survivability of the species...
Love this - kindness works on both sides of the equation 🤍
Thank you, Katherine. :) I really think so? - and there's such a human need on both sides that just isn't being met. And yet also a recognition that both sides are a part of the whole in a way that matters at least as much as the division between them? There's an artificiality in these kinds of "them or us" discussions that is causing such havoc - I guess, look at how all this "humans vs nature" stuff has worked out? So much of the modern world's ability to feel an integral part of something greater seems to have been surrendered in so many ways...
I'm rambling. tl;dr - thank you. :)
Fascinating stuff about volunteering (for the right motives). And an all-round uplifting read
Super interesting topic! I had no idea there was so much evidence for the health benefits of it: https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-017-4561-8
And thanks for reading, Fiona. :)
I've always been a fan of sci-fi, but since the 90s when I first was introduced to Octavia Butler I've mostly stuck with sci-fi by Black women because it asks the questions about society that I'm interested in, and often central to those questions is how people maintain kindness, connection, and a sense of their own humanity in the face of horror. I'm really excited that they're finally releasing a tv version of Butler's book, Kindred, soon on Hulu. Here's the trailer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grco3eoAA30
Absolutely! I'm loving the resurgence in appreciation of her work - because when you look at the quality of it, the awards she won - she's the best of the best by any way of measuring it. And her themes. I don't know: certainly a suppression of Black voices in scifi has to have been a part of it, in the same way Ursula Le Guin had to fight to carve out a place for women in late Golden Age scifi. But maybe it's that fierce hopefulness too, against injustice with a belief in the possibility for something better? I think we need that kind of storytelling a hell of a lot more right now that a few decades back - and we'll need more of it in decades to come? So perhaps she's about to become one of those "This Is Her Moment" writers because of where our societies and our world is right now...
(I mean, isn't that just fantastic about good scifi? It can re-emerge at the future time we need it, to teach us what to hope for and work towards.)
Yes! Her Parable of the Sower was so prescient. She could easily have been writing about the underlying themes that challenge is today, and certainly while Trump was president.
I've never read Octavia Butler. What would you recommend as a starting point?
Depends if you want hard sci-fi or something more about time travel or world building. If it’s sci-fi, start with her Imago series. For time travel, Kindred is fantastic. For world-building Parable of the Sower and its sequel, Parable of the Talents, show her at truly the top of her game.
Loved reading this! Thank you. Maybe we can persuade some people to be kind by giving them the data and tell them that by being kind they are actually selfish! haha.
During the pandemic, I had the chance (?) to talk with some people that were anti vaxxers, or generally sceptics. I found out that being kind, and listening to them intensely was actually far more productive than just showering them with statistics and scientific facts. These people also want the same things we do, to live healthy and happy lives. But because of one thing or another they ended up mostly being afraid of what they were reading about the vaccines so they didn't trust anything they saw.
Because of my job, they expected me to argue with them. However, I said "Hey, you do you but if you ever have questions about the vaccine reach out to me and I'll look into it with you so that we can understand". Now that didn't work 100% of the times, but maybe 75-80%? They appreciated the effort.
Take care, and be kind [=
Thank you so much, Lefteris!
>>"Maybe we can persuade some people to be kind by giving them the data and tell them that by being kind they are actually selfish!"
I mean - that might work! Or at least, really smart people being in charge of things who know how to trick sociopathically selfish rich people into doing good things for the common good. I mean, if conspiracy theories are going to be flying around *anyway*, why not ACTUALLY make a conspiracy that does a lot of good?
I think I'm only half joking about this. Perhaps this is how megalomaniacs get started...
>>"But because of one thing or another they ended up mostly being afraid of what they were reading about the vaccines so they didn't trust anything they saw."
Yeah, that fear is the key. Fear kills curiosity. That's such an important point. When people are too fearful to ask questions... And fear destroys trust.
But you did exactly the right thing in response (of course you did, you're really good at your job!): you listened. That was Guzmán's point - that until we all feel heard, properly heard and understood, we remain rigid (and fearful) in our opinions. So much could be fixed in society with exactly that kind of listening in exactly the right places, instead of the combative, shaming, point-scoring methods of "communication" that currently dominate...
Love this--and so fascinating about the effects of kindness. Also, absolutely LOVE for all mankind--it's riveting, thoughtful, fascinating for all the reasons you so rightly wrote. It's telling that Ron Moore began writing for Star Trek Next Gen--that optimism for the future is a thread that continues in for all mankind. And such great, complex, multiple women in that show--I love how strong, flawed, brilliant, failing, and getting up again they all are--real women! (should not be as refreshing to find in a show but here we are). I think that flip at the end of the first episode with the Russian woman cosmonaut revealed--and the o shit moment that the US needs to get its act together with regard to women in space--is just such a thrilling, if not also maddening, way to think of an alternative history. The title seems like a bit of a wink--for all mankind, sure. ha! love that you highlighted the kindness and cooperation in all of it--so so true.
YES. The women in For All Mankind are so terrific. (And ambitious!) I mean, Ron Moore has a great track record there - Starbuck, President Roslin, Claire Fraser, and further back - Deep Space 9's Kira, for example. He writes women so truthfully. But - I remember him being interviewed and being asked about writing 'strong female characters', and he said something like, "what does that even mean? They're just women" which really should kinda cover it, really? I know that it doesn't, but it'd be great to get to the point where it does.
And For All Mankind has been so, so great with the men too. Ed Baldwin being set up as "the hero archetype", all those macho qualities that we're overfamiliar with - and then the writers dissemble this, and show how maybe having an angry, emotionally repressed man in charge of things is maybe a bad idea? And then they do it again with Gordo, except dissembling the work-hard-play-hard playboy. I mean: Michael Dorman did some terrific work there, including the very real physical changes he put himself through for the second season: https://tvline.com/2021/04/22/michael-dorman-weight-gain-for-all-mankind-gordo-season-2/ And it wasn't in service of showing him "macho up" at the end like a "true hero". It's to allow him to step up to the example that Tracy has set...
In fact, Gordo and Tracy's arc has been one of the biggest highlights. What an incredibly flawed and broken relationship - and yet, what a special and ultimately positive one too.
Dammit. I want to watch it all again now.
I completely agree! And yes--Deep Space 9's Kira. Yes to women just being allowed to be women. And I agree too--Ed Baldwin and Gordo are fantastic characters, and the downsides of an angry repressed man-in-charge trope. I loved Gordo and Tracy--as my son said when he texted me after watching the season when they're both on the moon (spoiler alert to those reading): "Damn. Gordo was my favorite." Off to go re-watch now too. ;)
That Eagle image (annotated) blew me away too! Incredible. And thanks for the write-up about For All Mankind -- think I'll start it over Xmas break.
I think you'll find it a blast. :) They even have mini physics-based explainers about particular plot points, presented by the cast, to accompany each season. It's all so nerdy and so fun.
Great post, thanks. Kindness is essential to our evolutionary development. It is wired into our biology, Hard to imagine a newborn baby surviving without kindness. They do sometimes but it is never favorable to their (or our) evolution.
Thank you! Yes, agreed - and since kindness is the cooperation skill, it seems being raised without kindness can do a lot of damage to your ability to work well with others - which is a critical life skill in the modern world...
What a wonderful and wonderfully timed piece this is! I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling grateful because I needed this right now. And you've approached the subject of kindness from a direction I'd never thought of and really given me a solid feeling for how much more necessary it is for all of us than I'd even realized. Thank you for this!
❤️ My pleasure, and I'm delighted if it's helped at all...
I really feel like we need to nerd out sometime, maybe in a crossover newsletter thingy-wotsit-something [details forthcoming], about hopeful or hopepunk-y visions of the future involving cooperation and kindness and mutual respect in all things, including the way we share the land we live on.
Honestly, this would be very timely. In the last two days I have had THREE longform interactions (one in person and two in comment threads online) that made me realize how deeply many if not most people believe that a different way of structuring things isn't possible. It's really interesting as well as frustrating. I think a big part is that most people just aren't seeing what's out there, whether it's hopepunk science fiction like Becky Chambers, or the kinds of localized nitty gritty work that gets talked about on, say, the Frontiers of Communing podcast. Maybe to feel a sense of possibility, more people need to know what's possible.
Thank you for opening this post up, Mike. It was fascinating. The links were eye-opening (one in particular heart-stopping!) and I wouldn't have found them without your help.
I like the concept that kindness and compassion can grow. I perhaps would prefer it to grow naturally rather than being pushed by science to be a 'healthier' option like eating a more Mediterranean diet for example, but that's probably a Pollyanna view.
One day, if you haven't done it already, I'd love to read your views on Tibetan buddhist compassion and loving kindness. Just lately, I've read a few books that link it with quantum science - something that surprises me greatly. Cheers and thank you again.
Thank you, Prue. :)
>>"I perhaps would prefer it to grow naturally rather than being pushed by science to be a 'healthier' option like eating a more Mediterranean diet for example, but that's probably a Pollyanna view."
Absolutely. There's also a tendency with this advice to be turned into a way to "optimize" yourself - and then it becomes about squeezing performance out of yourself and others, instead of appreciating its value in itself, and in ways that can't be measured in the old industrial-model kind of way ("kindness improved our factory output by 17%!". I do see that as a huge problem in communicating the benefits like this...
>>"One day, if you haven't done it already, I'd love to read your views on Tibetan buddhist compassion and loving kindness"
I know exactly nothing about them. So that sounds like a really fun thing to dive into. So I will do that!
Prue, there's an absolutely critical distinction made in Robert Axelrod's Evolution of Cooperation between he calls myopic self-interest and informed self-interest. The book grew out of considering what underlies the Tragedy of the commons (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tragedy_of_the_commons) and the Prisoner's dilemma (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma).
In short, looking "myopically" (very short term and selfishly) at these problems the 'correct' and logical behaviour is to take advantage of those that you meet and give nothing back. A higher level understanding shows that everyone wins if we ignore that, and work together. I might mistrust someone saying 'science has shown that x works', but it's much more likely to convince me if I can see, follow and agree that a longer term/ wider view will benefit me (and others). (I like approaches that emphasise the self-interest .. you can always depend on the listener wanting to agree ;)
There's a BBC Horizon program from 1986 'Nice Guys Finish First' that covers the same territory. It's available here: https://archive.org/details/dawkins-nice-guys-finish-first
PS: I echo the thanks for opening the thread up, Mike
Ohhhhh how much I loved and needed this piece. Thank you!
Hooray! I'm so glad to hear, Toby. :) If you need a further top-up, you might enjoy Guzmán's book...
Shared it on my TobyNeal Books FB page, hope it gets some more love! 🙏🏻
Oh, thank you!
We talk about how to "think" of the other side a lot. And it's very hard. I just listened to an episode of This American Life that made me want to scream bloody murder at Republicans. Worse, it made me feel like it's hopeless to ever find a way to get along with them.
But as you note, we must. And it feels like there is some good advice here.
And I MUST see For All Mankind, but don't have Apple TV. WHY MUST I SUFFER SO?!?!
Knowing your interests, I reckon you will LOVE "For All Mankind". Also, three words: "Apple TV Trial". (Can you access the trial period from where you are right now?)
And - yeah, having these conversations is the hardest thing in the world. And maybe, after a pandemic and a series of enormously dividing political events, we're all just less inclined to talk to strangers in a subconscious way, however much we think we aren't? (I was thinking the other day, as I stood in line to get my Covid booster & flu shot, how uncomfortable I've got with being in a queue, and how I tend to turn around to see how close the person behind me has got. And surely physical distancing must have an effect on psychological distancing...)
I shall investigate this mysterious trial period you speak of... LOL. As for Covid, I still hold my breath whenever anyone gets too close. Sigh..
Thanks. I needed exactly this at this moment in time.
You might enjoy Becky Chambers' solar punk (feel-good collaborative sci fi that scrubs your insides) book "The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet" about a crew of space drillers that become family. It's basically Firefly if everyone involved (especially Mal) got therapy.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22733729-the-long-way-to-a-small-angry-planet
For All Mankind is excellent! Great callout!
I will now be singing only kindness matters for the rest of the day. I love this much. Thanks for the book rec.
I hit the follow button because I also love FOR ALL MANKIND and I'm thrilled to see other people feeling so strongly about it.