“I haven’t made my mind up and I won’t make a choice solely out of deference to other people’s values.” I totally agree with this. I don’t think it’s necessary to have an opinion or, if you even had it, voice it aloud, because you just don’t want to enter into a useless(for you) discussion/ debate, or continue with a conversation.
I have had moments were I haven’t had an opinion, haven’t chosen a side. Perhaps because I am indifferent to it, it doesn’t interest me sufficiently to decide, or maybe I don’t choose to decide at that precise moment?
Thank you for such an interesting article, Mike. See? I decided to share my opinion now. 😉
And I'm glad you did. :) Thanks for reading, Meenaz - and yeah, our interest in that opinion is a big part of it too. But then it's much harder and riskier to say "I don't really care about that stuff tbh" than "I don't really feel I know enough", especially when the issue in question is timely and superheated. It shouldn't be that way, but I've seen enough online arguments to know it happens ("oh, so you have the luxury of not caring, good for you!!!!" etc.).
Oh my gosh! I've seen that Top Gear, I feel swindled. I feel like knowing which things I know enough about to have a worthwhile opinion and shutting up about the rest is one of the great perks of aging in my experience, but I do wish someone had told me it was OK to be uncertain and wait and see as a youth. I feel like part of the reason I made the career choices I did was because when I was 20 years old, someone said it's time to sit down, have a think, and make the decision of what you're going to do with your life.
I had a particularly memorable visit to my high school career officer who sadly informed me I was unqualified for pretty much everything with the grades I got. What he SHOULD have said, of course, was:
"Don't worry, in a few years the internet is going to start to change pretty much everything and a few decades after that it's debatable if *careers* will even be a thing, so for pity's sake, start thinking seriously about what you actually ENJOY doing, because none of us is supposed to be here to suffer and the best approach in the future might be to *invent* a career for yourself that didn't exist before, and certainly doesn't exist right now. You might have to work a few crappy jobs for a while, but inventing your job might be the best way to future-proof your earnings. Also, will career officers exist in a few decades? Who knows. You know, I've always wanted to dance. That's all I really want out of life. To dance. That's when I feel alive. But instead I have to pretend I know what's best for you, when I can't even allow myself to do what's best for myself."
But I don't blame him for not saying any of that to me. That's usually the way of these things.
It's 1am here. Couldn't sleep so I checked out my inbox out of habit and voila- the title pulled me in and..Wow. I never knew I needed to read this. Thank you. I think I'll stop trying to have it all figured out/decided on/"titled"/" neatly filed into my brain".
Thanks, Nour! I'm so glad it arrived in your brain at exactly the right time. And yeah - my worrying brain is always trying to anticipate answers to questions I haven't gathered enough info on to tackle. I guess that's the whole nature of worrying? But it's so draining. I find it more helpful to think about future versions of me, eg. "Future Mike will be able to figure this one out, so I'm going to make the decision to leave it to him."
"But it's so draining."😭 I have this weird thing of wanting to cry when someone acknowledges a feeling I have or a state I'm in as well. I'm definitely stealing this way of reshaping my thoughts when anxiety hits.❤️ Thank you so much for sharing.
Well, this hits home for me today, precisely on some deep stuff that's making its way out of my subconscious. What a beautiful beautiful read this was. Thank you, Mike. ❤️
If you already know, you're never gonna go & find out, & how's THAT any fun?
(When I was very young, my dad owned a Nash Rambler; to my eternal regret, he sold it before I got a chance to ride in it, or gods forbid, drive it. But then, I gave up any attempt to be cool halfway through middle school.)
Anyway I suspect your situation with regards to Reliant Robins isn't so much opinion as it is trauma. The teen years are difficult all round, alas.
You know, I didn't think there was anything new to be added to the "My mom dropped me off at school in a humiliating fashion" ouvre and then you, Mr. Sowden, come along and prove me spectacularly wrong. Kudos!
Truly an inspiring piece on the importance of 'being uncertain'. On this, I'd also like to add some perspective: not only can embracing indecision and 'not having an opinion on everything' lead to more questions and growth from that point of view, but in my opinion it helps people orient themselves in depth, in study, in green curiosity for certain things. And it also helps in interacting with people who might be interested in discussing, as changing ideas. It could also happen that in the end I form an opinion (I really appreciated the point where you mentioned the two theories on how we form them) on that topic on which we thought we didn't have one, but the approach of recognizing the non-necessity of having one a strong one on everything I think is also beneficial for the process of exploring what surrounds us.
"Today, let’s visit the guttered ruin of my teenage years, in search of someone to blame." My favourite (and most relatable) sentence of the year so far.
From an unknown source "indecision is the key to flexibility". I heard it in college from a beloved design professor and tried to live by it till I retired. Now no one cares if I ever make a decision!
Wonderful article, Mike. Great stories intertwined with a great message. Having an opinion is OK, but being open to correction is such a huge leap and so hard sometimes. It's really difficult to say I don't know, or I was wrong, but a really important skill I have worked hard on trying to build!
I'd never heard of Reliant Robins before. A quick google turns up that one of the estimated 30 in the US was only a couple hours from me and road worthy in 2018. I did not search harder for more recent sightings.
If I were to see a middle schooler in one, I would worry that there would be no socially acceptable coolness available to the poor teen, their parents having coopted all of it.
I am enjoying your substack and find that I know less and with less certainty each passing year.
I remember an education conference I attended, probably 15-20 years ago or so, where the presenters flashed up a picture of an abandoned, dusty classroom, chairs overturned, and asked all of us to sound off on it via their discussion app. People said various things along the lines of, "Schools are horribly underfunded" and "Big cities are closing schools in poor areas of the city," but I remember thinking, we sure are making a lot of assumptions here, aren't we? We have absolutely no idea what this picture illustrates, and yet we're jumping to all sorts of conclusions about it. It ticked me off enough that I approached the presenters afterwards and told them I thought they were doing a disservice, encouraging that sort of uninformed leaping to conclusions. Little did I know it was just the tip of the iceberg as social media exploded shortly thereafter and then everyone had an impulsive opinion about virtually everything. Making judgments faster, louder, and more entertaining/attention-grabbing became the thing.
Thank you for pushing back against the noise -- I really hope we can all get to a place where slow (system 2) thinking is the norm.
“I haven’t made my mind up and I won’t make a choice solely out of deference to other people’s values.” I totally agree with this. I don’t think it’s necessary to have an opinion or, if you even had it, voice it aloud, because you just don’t want to enter into a useless(for you) discussion/ debate, or continue with a conversation.
I have had moments were I haven’t had an opinion, haven’t chosen a side. Perhaps because I am indifferent to it, it doesn’t interest me sufficiently to decide, or maybe I don’t choose to decide at that precise moment?
Thank you for such an interesting article, Mike. See? I decided to share my opinion now. 😉
And I'm glad you did. :) Thanks for reading, Meenaz - and yeah, our interest in that opinion is a big part of it too. But then it's much harder and riskier to say "I don't really care about that stuff tbh" than "I don't really feel I know enough", especially when the issue in question is timely and superheated. It shouldn't be that way, but I've seen enough online arguments to know it happens ("oh, so you have the luxury of not caring, good for you!!!!" etc.).
Oh my gosh! I've seen that Top Gear, I feel swindled. I feel like knowing which things I know enough about to have a worthwhile opinion and shutting up about the rest is one of the great perks of aging in my experience, but I do wish someone had told me it was OK to be uncertain and wait and see as a youth. I feel like part of the reason I made the career choices I did was because when I was 20 years old, someone said it's time to sit down, have a think, and make the decision of what you're going to do with your life.
ME TOO.
I had a particularly memorable visit to my high school career officer who sadly informed me I was unqualified for pretty much everything with the grades I got. What he SHOULD have said, of course, was:
"Don't worry, in a few years the internet is going to start to change pretty much everything and a few decades after that it's debatable if *careers* will even be a thing, so for pity's sake, start thinking seriously about what you actually ENJOY doing, because none of us is supposed to be here to suffer and the best approach in the future might be to *invent* a career for yourself that didn't exist before, and certainly doesn't exist right now. You might have to work a few crappy jobs for a while, but inventing your job might be the best way to future-proof your earnings. Also, will career officers exist in a few decades? Who knows. You know, I've always wanted to dance. That's all I really want out of life. To dance. That's when I feel alive. But instead I have to pretend I know what's best for you, when I can't even allow myself to do what's best for myself."
But I don't blame him for not saying any of that to me. That's usually the way of these things.
It's 1am here. Couldn't sleep so I checked out my inbox out of habit and voila- the title pulled me in and..Wow. I never knew I needed to read this. Thank you. I think I'll stop trying to have it all figured out/decided on/"titled"/" neatly filed into my brain".
Thanks, Nour! I'm so glad it arrived in your brain at exactly the right time. And yeah - my worrying brain is always trying to anticipate answers to questions I haven't gathered enough info on to tackle. I guess that's the whole nature of worrying? But it's so draining. I find it more helpful to think about future versions of me, eg. "Future Mike will be able to figure this one out, so I'm going to make the decision to leave it to him."
"But it's so draining."😭 I have this weird thing of wanting to cry when someone acknowledges a feeling I have or a state I'm in as well. I'm definitely stealing this way of reshaping my thoughts when anxiety hits.❤️ Thank you so much for sharing.
Well, this hits home for me today, precisely on some deep stuff that's making its way out of my subconscious. What a beautiful beautiful read this was. Thank you, Mike. ❤️
Ps. You are so very loved.✨
❤️ Thank you, you. :)
Excellent, thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading, Cosmos! (I'm presuming that's a pseudonym, but if not, EXCELLENT name you have there, since it encompasses literally everything.)
If you already know, you're never gonna go & find out, & how's THAT any fun?
(When I was very young, my dad owned a Nash Rambler; to my eternal regret, he sold it before I got a chance to ride in it, or gods forbid, drive it. But then, I gave up any attempt to be cool halfway through middle school.)
Anyway I suspect your situation with regards to Reliant Robins isn't so much opinion as it is trauma. The teen years are difficult all round, alas.
You know, I didn't think there was anything new to be added to the "My mom dropped me off at school in a humiliating fashion" ouvre and then you, Mr. Sowden, come along and prove me spectacularly wrong. Kudos!
He has such a talent for that, doesn't he?!
Truly an inspiring piece on the importance of 'being uncertain'. On this, I'd also like to add some perspective: not only can embracing indecision and 'not having an opinion on everything' lead to more questions and growth from that point of view, but in my opinion it helps people orient themselves in depth, in study, in green curiosity for certain things. And it also helps in interacting with people who might be interested in discussing, as changing ideas. It could also happen that in the end I form an opinion (I really appreciated the point where you mentioned the two theories on how we form them) on that topic on which we thought we didn't have one, but the approach of recognizing the non-necessity of having one a strong one on everything I think is also beneficial for the process of exploring what surrounds us.
"Today, let’s visit the guttered ruin of my teenage years, in search of someone to blame." My favourite (and most relatable) sentence of the year so far.
From an unknown source "indecision is the key to flexibility". I heard it in college from a beloved design professor and tried to live by it till I retired. Now no one cares if I ever make a decision!
Wonderful article, Mike. Great stories intertwined with a great message. Having an opinion is OK, but being open to correction is such a huge leap and so hard sometimes. It's really difficult to say I don't know, or I was wrong, but a really important skill I have worked hard on trying to build!
My mom drove a Pacer, blue on top and station wagon fake wood on the bottom. Solidarity, my friend. Solidarity.
I'd never heard of Reliant Robins before. A quick google turns up that one of the estimated 30 in the US was only a couple hours from me and road worthy in 2018. I did not search harder for more recent sightings.
If I were to see a middle schooler in one, I would worry that there would be no socially acceptable coolness available to the poor teen, their parents having coopted all of it.
I am enjoying your substack and find that I know less and with less certainty each passing year.
Not sure if it makes things better or worse, but Del Boy's van in Only Fools and Horses was a Reliant Regal Mk3, not a Robin.
Man, it's always nice to find people who have more questions than opinions!
I remember an education conference I attended, probably 15-20 years ago or so, where the presenters flashed up a picture of an abandoned, dusty classroom, chairs overturned, and asked all of us to sound off on it via their discussion app. People said various things along the lines of, "Schools are horribly underfunded" and "Big cities are closing schools in poor areas of the city," but I remember thinking, we sure are making a lot of assumptions here, aren't we? We have absolutely no idea what this picture illustrates, and yet we're jumping to all sorts of conclusions about it. It ticked me off enough that I approached the presenters afterwards and told them I thought they were doing a disservice, encouraging that sort of uninformed leaping to conclusions. Little did I know it was just the tip of the iceberg as social media exploded shortly thereafter and then everyone had an impulsive opinion about virtually everything. Making judgments faster, louder, and more entertaining/attention-grabbing became the thing.
Thank you for pushing back against the noise -- I really hope we can all get to a place where slow (system 2) thinking is the norm.