Ps. All the comments here made me feel emotional and grateful as I read through them all. I feel like saying thank you to everyone for loving Mike so much too.❤️ It's absolutely beautiful to see.
I have fear of flying, Mike. This from someone who has flown everywhere. It happened in my mid-40's as I was taking off from Sydney Airport and has been with me ever since. I take Valium for flights and fortunately it works. For me its not the fear of being 'up there'. It's the claustrophobia in the beer can!!!! I would love to fly to Nepal with my husband but I think I'd have to have intravenous diazepam to get me there!
This from someone who believes strongly in the power of Mindfulness CBT.
I'm glad the valium works on you, since it doesn't seem to do much for me. I think part of my trigger is exactly that "trapped in the beer can" feeling - I don't get claustrophobia in any other setting, so that can't be all of what is going on inside my head, but it's part.
And yes, CBT is probably where I'm starting things (I have previously tried hypnotherapy for a different reason and I found my brain fought it the whole way, so my hopes aren't high for that approach).
I hope you get to Nepal one of these days. I hope we both do.
A boat perhaps? A leisurely cruise to Costa Rica? I don't know which would alarm me more, flying or sailing tbh. Brains are funny things. Be kind to yours, it's doing its best. 😏
Thank you, Laura. Yep! Possibly an out-of-season cruise ship from Southampton to Florida would do the trick there. I'm already looking into it - and there are also cargo ships that take limited numbers of passengers, which definitely appeals to my sense of the weird. (I've always liked the idea of going on a journey like that and using the experience to write up a book draft - ditto for long train journeys, like an Interrail pass.)
But if I'm on a boat, I'm working around the problem, not fixing it. So it'd only be a workaround. Worth considering! But I'm not looking for actual solutions in that direction right now.
> long before I was a twinkle in either of their eyes..
This is the first time I'm seeing someone do this to themselves. Bravo. 🙌
On a serious note, I have a terrifying fear of heights. I can't be on a balcony over 4 floors up. And I can't rid myself of the thought that this is how I will die. It's such a fear that I even imagine myself jumping off, just to end it all. So while I don't share your fear, I do share the sense of a phobia. And I will be curious to learn how you tackle and overcome it next year. Best wishes, friend! ❤️
Oh wow! That sounds rough, I'm so sorry. So - how does it work with planes? Is it worse when you can see the ground, as from a 4th-floor window, or does it just increase linearly with height - or does it disappear, when that sense of height is just abstracted away out of an aircraft window?
In my case, in a plane, I'm not sure I'm fully aware of being so high - I strongly have that sense of looking out the window and seeing buildings the size of LEGO blocks and it feels like the world has shrunk somehow, not that I'm flying incredibly high - so that's not part of my own trigger.
Yes, the same. It's abstracted away so there is no fear. But also there is no ledge so I can't do anything about the situation, or I can convince myself nothing can happen. Lol.
Thank you for this, Mike. As a therapist, I am continuously, amazed by how phobias can come and go, and a new phobia can arise at the strangest of times. It’s as if -when we feel out of control of one thing, we try to control the next, or the strangest fears can just randomly set in. I can relate to this. Sending you my thoughts.
Thank you, Zinnia. That's fascinating, that you see that in your work. Could it be something to do with complacency? As in "I used to be freaked out by this thing, but now I've cracked it" ---> the phobia is consigned to the Completed column in our subconscious brain's To Do list where, unmanaged and unobserved, it's free to grow again without being controlled and pruned into something problematic but bearable? This is probably just a too-neat story I've made for myself, but it certainly *feels* like what's happened in my case - I stopped regarding it as a problem (which was true for a while), but by doing so, I let it become one again...
No joke at all! Thanks, Don - and my giveaway for how much something emotionally clobbered me at the time is the number of self-deprecating jokes I throw in when I'm writing about it. #BritishCopingMechanisms
Thank you, Mary. It's a puzzle riddled with odd contradictions (eg. no other bouts of claustrophobia, but for some reason *this* freaks me out? etc.), but I'm determined to crack it. And as you say, there's always a bit of writing self-therapy to do at times like this. This felt like the start I needed, so thank you for reading it!
Highly recommend Reid Wilson. He’s local to me but accessible via his website, books, and online seminars. Panic, OCD, anxiety disorders are his areas of expertise, and fear of flying is one of his specialties.
Yes! That’s him. After a training I did with him, I reached out about treatment for a family member struggling with severe anxiety. He’s very straightforward and also has a great sense of humor, and he has come to his work from personal experience, which adds to the depth of his expertise. His recommendations in the training and privately have really fueled my own work with clients and helped the family member quite a lot.
Hah! Thanks, Doug - yep, I don't have a sequel yet (as in, "how I fixed my fear of flying" - the rest is all sorted, since I'm back in my flat in Scotland and cracking on with work). This phobia of mine is ongoing, and will be for at least the first part of 2025. But I will definitely be reporting back as I (hopefully) make progress with it...
I’m reading this from the birthplace of aviation, Dayton, Ohio, where 121 years ago two brothers flung themselves off the bottom of the atmosphere into the air, sparking this whole era of unnatural human travel, not fully understanding aerodynamics. Not a flight goes by that I am on where I am not reminded that we still don’t quite understand how an airplane stays in the air. How I still board an airplane knowing that not one person flying or controlling the airplane understands it is a bit of a mystery to me, too, and something I shove down deep beyond my consciousness for the duration of the flight. I wonder how many of my fellow travelers are also aware that we really don’t know how we’re staying in the air. I wonder how the ones who do know talk themselves into taking the flight anyway.
Ironically, I love being in airports. My favorite day of the year to be in an airport is Christmas Day. Someday I’ll examine why that is, but like aerodynamics, I’ll accept that is just is without understanding why.
Twelve… right?! 😀
Twelve months of reading and writing about the air. Perhaps you will finally solve the mystery of how airplanes stay in the air. Merry Christmas!
Love Dayton, birthplace of aviation, and like you I love airports. I was so happy to be back at DTW after Covid just to pick up some relatives. Great comment.
I LOVE that tunnel y'all have at DTW... a sound and visual experience... (I have a pet name for it, the electric v*g^na... don't tell anyone 🤭🤫) 528 Hz i'd like to believe.
Hi Gerald, and Mike, from Powell River, BC, Canada, on the west coast.
I am a private pilot, and got my license in 1975. Lift is caused by air pressure differences. The wing is longer over the curve of the top wing, than the flat bottom of the wing. Less air equals lift. The analogy I was given is it is like a helium balloon, or an air bubble in water. Only on a much more powerful scale. Physicists would squirm at that explanation, but it stuck in my head.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. None of us are exactly who we want to be, but somehow we are each exactly what we need to be. And we're here to help each other through whatever it is we're going through, which is often baffling. Your story in itself is just the kind of help somebody needs right now.
Merry Christmas, Mike.
P.S. I'm glad the apartment was still there and the story about your mom & dad & the moped was wonderful.
Merry Christmas from Cardiff, Mike! I’m so sorry you’re spending it away from M. Thanks for a year of terrific writing and teaching us to do the same! Wishing you nothing but the best and an overcoming of all our fears in 2025!
Oh, Mike, I'm so sorry you had a phobia sprung on you at such an inopportune moment! And that you’re spending the holidays away from the people you love and planned to be with. But I’m in awe of your quick recovery and your problem solving and your pluck. I can’t imagine having even half the grace to pick myself up and dust myself off and get on with the writing the way you just did. Deep respect. And so glad your place was still available. Whew! Wishing you and M. all good things in the new year.
Oh Mike. The fact that you can go through that (and are still in the midst of going through that) and can write such a beaut of a newsletter as a gift to the world is astounding.
Jamie and I always talk about the ‘Chinese Farmer Story’ when sh*t hits the fan. (We also mime riding a horse… because it’s hard to be angry while riding an imaginary horse - do try it) Then nothing is a good thing or a bad thing (even though it feels SO VERY BAD) it just… is. Sending you and Mariana many strong vibes ✌🏻 ✨
I love you to the sky and back, my Mike. This was hard on both of us but you're strong and we're stronger together. ❤️
We just finished celebrating Christmas dinner with family here in Costa Rica and you've been present in my heart and within the fam every second.
We've got this. And I'm proud of you for writing about this. ❤️
Ps. All the comments here made me feel emotional and grateful as I read through them all. I feel like saying thank you to everyone for loving Mike so much too.❤️ It's absolutely beautiful to see.
Sincerely,
Grateful partner M. 🥰
I have fear of flying, Mike. This from someone who has flown everywhere. It happened in my mid-40's as I was taking off from Sydney Airport and has been with me ever since. I take Valium for flights and fortunately it works. For me its not the fear of being 'up there'. It's the claustrophobia in the beer can!!!! I would love to fly to Nepal with my husband but I think I'd have to have intravenous diazepam to get me there!
This from someone who believes strongly in the power of Mindfulness CBT.
Ghagh - you too, Prue?
I'm glad the valium works on you, since it doesn't seem to do much for me. I think part of my trigger is exactly that "trapped in the beer can" feeling - I don't get claustrophobia in any other setting, so that can't be all of what is going on inside my head, but it's part.
And yes, CBT is probably where I'm starting things (I have previously tried hypnotherapy for a different reason and I found my brain fought it the whole way, so my hopes aren't high for that approach).
I hope you get to Nepal one of these days. I hope we both do.
A boat perhaps? A leisurely cruise to Costa Rica? I don't know which would alarm me more, flying or sailing tbh. Brains are funny things. Be kind to yours, it's doing its best. 😏
Thank you, Laura. Yep! Possibly an out-of-season cruise ship from Southampton to Florida would do the trick there. I'm already looking into it - and there are also cargo ships that take limited numbers of passengers, which definitely appeals to my sense of the weird. (I've always liked the idea of going on a journey like that and using the experience to write up a book draft - ditto for long train journeys, like an Interrail pass.)
But if I'm on a boat, I'm working around the problem, not fixing it. So it'd only be a workaround. Worth considering! But I'm not looking for actual solutions in that direction right now.
> long before I was a twinkle in either of their eyes..
This is the first time I'm seeing someone do this to themselves. Bravo. 🙌
On a serious note, I have a terrifying fear of heights. I can't be on a balcony over 4 floors up. And I can't rid myself of the thought that this is how I will die. It's such a fear that I even imagine myself jumping off, just to end it all. So while I don't share your fear, I do share the sense of a phobia. And I will be curious to learn how you tackle and overcome it next year. Best wishes, friend! ❤️
Oh wow! That sounds rough, I'm so sorry. So - how does it work with planes? Is it worse when you can see the ground, as from a 4th-floor window, or does it just increase linearly with height - or does it disappear, when that sense of height is just abstracted away out of an aircraft window?
In my case, in a plane, I'm not sure I'm fully aware of being so high - I strongly have that sense of looking out the window and seeing buildings the size of LEGO blocks and it feels like the world has shrunk somehow, not that I'm flying incredibly high - so that's not part of my own trigger.
Yes, the same. It's abstracted away so there is no fear. But also there is no ledge so I can't do anything about the situation, or I can convince myself nothing can happen. Lol.
Oh, Mike, i’m so very sorry. It can be hard to be a human. ❤️
Thanks, Jane. :) It can be a very messy business. aye. But forwards and upwards are the directions I will be going in.
Excellent. Throwing all my support behind you, friend!
Thank you for this, Mike. As a therapist, I am continuously, amazed by how phobias can come and go, and a new phobia can arise at the strangest of times. It’s as if -when we feel out of control of one thing, we try to control the next, or the strangest fears can just randomly set in. I can relate to this. Sending you my thoughts.
I’ve been there.
Thank you, Zinnia. That's fascinating, that you see that in your work. Could it be something to do with complacency? As in "I used to be freaked out by this thing, but now I've cracked it" ---> the phobia is consigned to the Completed column in our subconscious brain's To Do list where, unmanaged and unobserved, it's free to grow again without being controlled and pruned into something problematic but bearable? This is probably just a too-neat story I've made for myself, but it certainly *feels* like what's happened in my case - I stopped regarding it as a problem (which was true for a while), but by doing so, I let it become one again...
So funny, Mike. But I know first-hand about phobia and know they're no joke. Best of luck getting to Costa Rica with your psyche intact!
No joke at all! Thanks, Don - and my giveaway for how much something emotionally clobbered me at the time is the number of self-deprecating jokes I throw in when I'm writing about it. #BritishCopingMechanisms
Ouch, so glad you at least got a post out of this, wishing you all the best as you figure out how to get to rejoin M.
Thank you, Mary. It's a puzzle riddled with odd contradictions (eg. no other bouts of claustrophobia, but for some reason *this* freaks me out? etc.), but I'm determined to crack it. And as you say, there's always a bit of writing self-therapy to do at times like this. This felt like the start I needed, so thank you for reading it!
Highly recommend Reid Wilson. He’s local to me but accessible via his website, books, and online seminars. Panic, OCD, anxiety disorders are his areas of expertise, and fear of flying is one of his specialties.
Thank you, Billie. This chap? https://anxieties.com/blog/overcoming-the-fear-of-flying/ I will investigate!
Yes! That’s him. After a training I did with him, I reached out about treatment for a family member struggling with severe anxiety. He’s very straightforward and also has a great sense of humor, and he has come to his work from personal experience, which adds to the depth of his expertise. His recommendations in the training and privately have really fueled my own work with clients and helped the family member quite a lot.
Ummm....
Great read!
You kinda left us hanging?....
Hoping for the sequel.
Merry Christmas!
Hah! Thanks, Doug - yep, I don't have a sequel yet (as in, "how I fixed my fear of flying" - the rest is all sorted, since I'm back in my flat in Scotland and cracking on with work). This phobia of mine is ongoing, and will be for at least the first part of 2025. But I will definitely be reporting back as I (hopefully) make progress with it...
I’m reading this from the birthplace of aviation, Dayton, Ohio, where 121 years ago two brothers flung themselves off the bottom of the atmosphere into the air, sparking this whole era of unnatural human travel, not fully understanding aerodynamics. Not a flight goes by that I am on where I am not reminded that we still don’t quite understand how an airplane stays in the air. How I still board an airplane knowing that not one person flying or controlling the airplane understands it is a bit of a mystery to me, too, and something I shove down deep beyond my consciousness for the duration of the flight. I wonder how many of my fellow travelers are also aware that we really don’t know how we’re staying in the air. I wonder how the ones who do know talk themselves into taking the flight anyway.
Ironically, I love being in airports. My favorite day of the year to be in an airport is Christmas Day. Someday I’ll examine why that is, but like aerodynamics, I’ll accept that is just is without understanding why.
Twelve… right?! 😀
Twelve months of reading and writing about the air. Perhaps you will finally solve the mystery of how airplanes stay in the air. Merry Christmas!
Love Dayton, birthplace of aviation, and like you I love airports. I was so happy to be back at DTW after Covid just to pick up some relatives. Great comment.
I LOVE that tunnel y'all have at DTW... a sound and visual experience... (I have a pet name for it, the electric v*g^na... don't tell anyone 🤭🤫) 528 Hz i'd like to believe.
Hi Gerald, and Mike, from Powell River, BC, Canada, on the west coast.
I am a private pilot, and got my license in 1975. Lift is caused by air pressure differences. The wing is longer over the curve of the top wing, than the flat bottom of the wing. Less air equals lift. The analogy I was given is it is like a helium balloon, or an air bubble in water. Only on a much more powerful scale. Physicists would squirm at that explanation, but it stuck in my head.
Mike,
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. None of us are exactly who we want to be, but somehow we are each exactly what we need to be. And we're here to help each other through whatever it is we're going through, which is often baffling. Your story in itself is just the kind of help somebody needs right now.
Merry Christmas, Mike.
P.S. I'm glad the apartment was still there and the story about your mom & dad & the moped was wonderful.
Merry Christmas from Cardiff, Mike! I’m so sorry you’re spending it away from M. Thanks for a year of terrific writing and teaching us to do the same! Wishing you nothing but the best and an overcoming of all our fears in 2025!
Oh, Mike, I'm so sorry you had a phobia sprung on you at such an inopportune moment! And that you’re spending the holidays away from the people you love and planned to be with. But I’m in awe of your quick recovery and your problem solving and your pluck. I can’t imagine having even half the grace to pick myself up and dust myself off and get on with the writing the way you just did. Deep respect. And so glad your place was still available. Whew! Wishing you and M. all good things in the new year.
Oh Mike. The fact that you can go through that (and are still in the midst of going through that) and can write such a beaut of a newsletter as a gift to the world is astounding.
Jamie and I always talk about the ‘Chinese Farmer Story’ when sh*t hits the fan. (We also mime riding a horse… because it’s hard to be angry while riding an imaginary horse - do try it) Then nothing is a good thing or a bad thing (even though it feels SO VERY BAD) it just… is. Sending you and Mariana many strong vibes ✌🏻 ✨