A couple of weeks ago I was doing the tourist thing in various well known tourist spots in London. Everywhere there were well trained people standing about ready and willing to answer any question. And no one was asking. So I started to make a point of it. I now know *exactly* where King Charles stands when he knights someone, where that person stands before they approach the King, where the Master of Ceremony stands so that he isn't in the way of the cameras, when the families get to take pictures....
Try standing beside your motorcycle. Random men will want to talk about the bike they once had or some other connection to motorcycles they have. I think I'm a friendly person but I don't always want to hear his story.
I once had a guy try to stop me running to tell me how he used to be a runner. If I had not actually been running I might have wanted to hear his story but...gotta run!
The map thing worked in NYC once and keep in mind my wife doesn't even like sales people helping her in a store never mind a random stranger in a big busy city. But we were actually trying to decide what to do next and if I remember correctly the strange man talking to strangers had a good suggestion.
As an American, I am expected to make conversation when we go to Portugal, so we don't scare or upset people when we strike up a 'hello!' at a neighboring breakfast table at the cafe. Last time, we had a lovely conversation with a couple of German sisters, who giggled through the whole breakfast, and then we were told not to tell anyone, lest we upset the whole 'Germans are sour people who don't like to talk to strangers' myth. They were lovely.
It also depends where you are. One of my favourite games, as a UK northerner who just expects that strangers will make conversation sometimes, is to try to talk to people on the Tube. I offered an older lady my seat once and she looked at me like I'd offered to skin her cat and wear it as a trophy.
That’s because we older ladies don’t believe we’re older and are always shocked and dismayed that other people see us as older than we see ourselves. I always try to be gracious when someone offers me their seat in a bus or train, but in my head I’m like “Why are you doing that? Do I look that old?? 😫”
Some of us old ladies don't have that hang up, and are very grateful when someone does that, and mighty miffed when they don't. In fact, that is one thing I am happy to speak to strangers about, asking young, well built young men, to let me have their seat. Usually they comply, but sometimes they don't!
Of course, now that I am no longer in HK, there is no good public transport on which to apply that. I am, however, planning to spend a few days in London, so I might have that chance again. I'm not ashamed of my age, consider the alternative, and since I had to give up my seat to my elders when I was a kid, I think turn-about is fair play, and resent it when it isn't. Just like the half-priced fares airlines used to give seniors that no longer apply when it's my turn.
I'm the kind of introvert that has the best will in the world to talk to that nice person who just made a leading remark for conversation in the bus/train/waiting room/etc., but after I smile and agree with them that the weather is lovely, or what have you, I cannot think of anything more to say. My mind becomes utterly blank, and then I don't know if I should keep looking toward them, or look away, and feel, for the thousandth time, more awkward than if I had remained silent and absorbed in reading or looking out the window.
If they don't say anything else, just smile and go back to what you were doing. They usually just want to acknowledge your presence, not find out your biography.
THANK YOU for doing a session recorded by you. I so enjoyed listening while I am busy editing a map (obviously Not the paper kind...).
The trick with saying something to another person is you have to be prepared to engage in conversation and get slowed down in whatever you were on your way to do (assuming you are on a mission-oriented trajectory and just REALLY do not want to get detained...).
I have found though, as you say, a smile and a hello are a positive thing for both giver and receiver. Something I try to do when out shopping, vs in the office where I avoid everyone as much as possible so I can get my work done!
"Headphones... or a blood-spattered broadsword." LOL! My parents also had books about Shackleton around. So true about maps held at different angles being a magnet for social interaction.
I’m awfully shy and love it when I need directions: a reason to randomly talk to people. Even without a paper map, people are most often happy to help.
Why would I want to stand around with a map to talk to strangers? I’m quite content to avoid that fate. When in a new place I note how others dress and I dress similarly to blend in and not be noticed (providing I’m in an area where my skin colour doesn’t give me away). Often that means buying clothing on my first couple of days there. But should I ever want to chat with strangers and mark myself as a visitor I’ll remember the map trick.
Ah, core memories unlocked of childhood trips to the Galway coast from one of Ireland’s most landlocked counties, and sandwiches seasoned liberally with salty sand. Mmmm, crunchy.
When we’re home to visit now, and I’m marching my kids down town, we encounter a lot of power-walkers and at minimum three quarters of them will say hello as they pass.
My children think I know everyone which absolutely isn’t the case, it’s just that exchanging greetings is still the done thing. It’s surprising how much it improves a walk.
(See also: calling thank you to the bus driver as you leave).
Mike I absolutely loved that you read this out in the wild! You’re so butch! I’m really rather shy, which if you ever meet me, you’ll know for sure in seconds, but I give an air on here and social media that I am the furthest thing from it. I have always said that my dog was my best tool for meeting people. Alas, at nearly 17, she no longer wants to sniff and peruse the pathways, and somehow, going for a walk without her, people are far less willing to chat, fearing I’m some kind of weirdo, something which the presence of a dog would have allayed. So, I’ve started just saying hello. It’s terribly frightening. They look at me like I’m about to murder them, but once I smile (showing those pearly white Invisaligned-improved nashers), and perhaps mention the glory of the magnolia coming into bloom, they breath a sigh of relief and perhaps, just perhaps, offer a little soupçon of their own thoughts in return. The next time: they’re all smiles and we chat for what seems like hours. Being brave can often be the simplest, yet hardest of things to do.
A couple of weeks ago I was doing the tourist thing in various well known tourist spots in London. Everywhere there were well trained people standing about ready and willing to answer any question. And no one was asking. So I started to make a point of it. I now know *exactly* where King Charles stands when he knights someone, where that person stands before they approach the King, where the Master of Ceremony stands so that he isn't in the way of the cameras, when the families get to take pictures....
I miss paper maps sooo much. Thank you!
Try standing beside your motorcycle. Random men will want to talk about the bike they once had or some other connection to motorcycles they have. I think I'm a friendly person but I don't always want to hear his story.
I once had a guy try to stop me running to tell me how he used to be a runner. If I had not actually been running I might have wanted to hear his story but...gotta run!
The map thing worked in NYC once and keep in mind my wife doesn't even like sales people helping her in a store never mind a random stranger in a big busy city. But we were actually trying to decide what to do next and if I remember correctly the strange man talking to strangers had a good suggestion.
As an American, I am expected to make conversation when we go to Portugal, so we don't scare or upset people when we strike up a 'hello!' at a neighboring breakfast table at the cafe. Last time, we had a lovely conversation with a couple of German sisters, who giggled through the whole breakfast, and then we were told not to tell anyone, lest we upset the whole 'Germans are sour people who don't like to talk to strangers' myth. They were lovely.
I remember being lost in Germany. My sister got out on the sidewalk, and just started saying "Bitte, bitte" to the first person to walk by.
All of them were overjoyed to help her, and most could speak at least some English.
That dog may have look furious, but I'm guessing that same dog has helped spark a lot of human interaction. I know my dog has!
It also depends where you are. One of my favourite games, as a UK northerner who just expects that strangers will make conversation sometimes, is to try to talk to people on the Tube. I offered an older lady my seat once and she looked at me like I'd offered to skin her cat and wear it as a trophy.
That’s because we older ladies don’t believe we’re older and are always shocked and dismayed that other people see us as older than we see ourselves. I always try to be gracious when someone offers me their seat in a bus or train, but in my head I’m like “Why are you doing that? Do I look that old?? 😫”
Some of us old ladies don't have that hang up, and are very grateful when someone does that, and mighty miffed when they don't. In fact, that is one thing I am happy to speak to strangers about, asking young, well built young men, to let me have their seat. Usually they comply, but sometimes they don't!
Of course, now that I am no longer in HK, there is no good public transport on which to apply that. I am, however, planning to spend a few days in London, so I might have that chance again. I'm not ashamed of my age, consider the alternative, and since I had to give up my seat to my elders when I was a kid, I think turn-about is fair play, and resent it when it isn't. Just like the half-priced fares airlines used to give seniors that no longer apply when it's my turn.
Totally fair response. 😊
I'm the kind of introvert that has the best will in the world to talk to that nice person who just made a leading remark for conversation in the bus/train/waiting room/etc., but after I smile and agree with them that the weather is lovely, or what have you, I cannot think of anything more to say. My mind becomes utterly blank, and then I don't know if I should keep looking toward them, or look away, and feel, for the thousandth time, more awkward than if I had remained silent and absorbed in reading or looking out the window.
If they don't say anything else, just smile and go back to what you were doing. They usually just want to acknowledge your presence, not find out your biography.
Thanks Mike great post it is amazing that we have more ability to communicate than ever before yet we are more isolated and insular
Divide and conquer is the goal but talking face to face is the simple solution we can all do
Susan Cain! I am THAT person TOO!!
"our cake eating equipment' LOL!
THANK YOU for doing a session recorded by you. I so enjoyed listening while I am busy editing a map (obviously Not the paper kind...).
The trick with saying something to another person is you have to be prepared to engage in conversation and get slowed down in whatever you were on your way to do (assuming you are on a mission-oriented trajectory and just REALLY do not want to get detained...).
I have found though, as you say, a smile and a hello are a positive thing for both giver and receiver. Something I try to do when out shopping, vs in the office where I avoid everyone as much as possible so I can get my work done!
"Headphones... or a blood-spattered broadsword." LOL! My parents also had books about Shackleton around. So true about maps held at different angles being a magnet for social interaction.
Just saying hello here!
I’m awfully shy and love it when I need directions: a reason to randomly talk to people. Even without a paper map, people are most often happy to help.
I can just see this wet, bedraggled dog and the look on its face and I can't stop giggling. Thanks for that!
Why would I want to stand around with a map to talk to strangers? I’m quite content to avoid that fate. When in a new place I note how others dress and I dress similarly to blend in and not be noticed (providing I’m in an area where my skin colour doesn’t give me away). Often that means buying clothing on my first couple of days there. But should I ever want to chat with strangers and mark myself as a visitor I’ll remember the map trick.
Ah, core memories unlocked of childhood trips to the Galway coast from one of Ireland’s most landlocked counties, and sandwiches seasoned liberally with salty sand. Mmmm, crunchy.
When we’re home to visit now, and I’m marching my kids down town, we encounter a lot of power-walkers and at minimum three quarters of them will say hello as they pass.
My children think I know everyone which absolutely isn’t the case, it’s just that exchanging greetings is still the done thing. It’s surprising how much it improves a walk.
(See also: calling thank you to the bus driver as you leave).
Mike I absolutely loved that you read this out in the wild! You’re so butch! I’m really rather shy, which if you ever meet me, you’ll know for sure in seconds, but I give an air on here and social media that I am the furthest thing from it. I have always said that my dog was my best tool for meeting people. Alas, at nearly 17, she no longer wants to sniff and peruse the pathways, and somehow, going for a walk without her, people are far less willing to chat, fearing I’m some kind of weirdo, something which the presence of a dog would have allayed. So, I’ve started just saying hello. It’s terribly frightening. They look at me like I’m about to murder them, but once I smile (showing those pearly white Invisaligned-improved nashers), and perhaps mention the glory of the magnolia coming into bloom, they breath a sigh of relief and perhaps, just perhaps, offer a little soupçon of their own thoughts in return. The next time: they’re all smiles and we chat for what seems like hours. Being brave can often be the simplest, yet hardest of things to do.
Or, Hello In There, like the John Prine song
Great song! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfwGkplB_sY&list=RDRfwGkplB_sY&start_radio=1